How ready are you for a divorce?

Ending a marital relationship is hard.

For some, it might just be one of the most difficult things you ever do.

This post is for someone who is thinking about a divorce and wants some insights to help figure out “How ready am I for divorce?” 

This post is not for someone in a life-threatening or abusive relationship requiring you to get out immediately for your very survival.

If you have some time to plan and consider your options, take advantage of this opportunity.

In some ways figuring out if you are ready for a divorce is a lot like planning a winter trip. While you’ll likely survive, it’s better if you plan. 

For example, in planning a trip, often you’ll figure out things like where to go, when to go, what’s the weather, how much it will cost, what you should bring, etc. The more you think on these things beforehand, often the better the experience.

Most people have some experience with planning a trip and know what information to get. For divorce, often what things to think about or do are completely unknown.

I would encourage you to think about the three sides to the divorce- legal, financial, and emotional- when deciding how ready you are and what to do.

Some questions that might help you better prepare and determine if you are ready include-

Emotional questions-

1)    Is our marriage truly over?  Broken to the point nothing can repair it?

2)    Should we try counseling?

3)    Do I want a divorce?

4)    Does my partner want a divorce?

5)    If we both want this, do we agree how to do this?

6)    If one of us files for divorce, how are we going to treat each other?

7)    (If you have children together) Who will take care of them or how will you share them? Where will they live? What do you want for them if you get divorced?

8)    What are your priorities?

Financial questions-

1)    How financially ready am I?

2)    Can I pay my own living expenses?

3)    (If you have children) Can I pay their expenses if I have them most of the time?

4)    (If you can’t pay your expenses on your own) Will the other side provide support? How much? What if they won’t provide any support without going to court?

5)    Where will I live during the divorce? After?

6)    If I need an attorney, can I pay for it? How much am I willing or able to pay?

7)    If I work, can I take time off for negotiations, mediations, or court?

8)    Do I have my own banking and credit cards I can use during the divorce?

9)    Could I sell some assets or borrow money from somewhere? Will the other side let me do that?

10) (If it took years to get a divorce) Would I be able to survive day to day?

Legal questions-

1)    What’s the process?

2)    What option should I/we choose- litigation, mediation, collaborative?

3)    Will I need an attorney?

4)    How long will the process take?

5)    What are my rights?

Attorneys are highly educated people charging high hourly rates often resulting in bills that are thousands of dollars. Most attorneys ask for an upfront deposit and that upfront request could be anywhere from $3,000- $20,000, and there’s no guarantee the deposit will be enough.

Courts are impacted, so if you choose the traditional litigation approach of going to court for orders it could take months.

Sometimes litigation to finalize a divorce through the court can take years.

Be aware of these possibilities to make the best choices for you.

Ultimately, only you can decide what is best for you. It is your life, based on your situation and your circumstances. A “right answer” for one person may be a “wrong answer” for another. 

Think on the above, do your own research, speak to professionals (most attorneys offer free screenings or one-hour paid consults), and make the best choice for you.